Divorce and separation

The Silent Ache: Understanding the Pain of Divorce and Separation
By a Counsellor with 30 Years of Walking Beside Others

Divorce and separation are often spoken about in practical terms—division of property, custody agreements, legal paperwork. Yet beneath those logistics lives a deeper, more complicated story: one of grief, confusion, and quiet heartbreak. As a counsellor who has spent three decades walking alongside people in their most vulnerable moments, I have seen how profoundly this kind of loss can touch every part of a person’s life.

The Loss That Isn’t Always Named

Divorce and separation bring with them a unique kind of grief. It is not just the loss of a partner, but often the loss of a shared future, a sense of stability, and an identity that was once intertwined with another. It can feel like the rug has been pulled out from under your life—even if the decision to separate was mutual or necessary.

People often ask, “Why am I struggling so much? I thought this was the right thing.” And the truth is, grief doesn’t always follow logic. We grieve what mattered to us. We grieve dreams, routines, and the small everyday moments—like a familiar laugh from across the room, or knowing someone was coming home at the end of the day.

Also you may be fleeing from a Domestic Abuse situation……..this is another layer to deal with. Its complicated and can be very raw.  Having worked in Woman's Refuge I have  seen the pain grief confusion and fear. I can hold this space ..be calm ..kind ..non judgemental as we deal with the fall out .We can do this together.

The Ripple Effects

The emotional impact of separation can show up in unexpected ways. You might find yourself unusually tired, irritable, forgetful. Some people feel a heavy loneliness, even when surrounded by others. For many, shame or guilt can creep in, especially if there are children involved or the separation was painful or conflictual.

Relationships with extended family and friends often shift too, sometimes in ways that feel alienating or deeply unfair. Life as you’ve known it no longer fits, and it can feel like there’s no clear path forward….but i can promise you there is a way forward ..I will be by your side on this journey we will get through the murky waters together.

For the Children

When children are involved, the emotional landscape becomes even more layered. Children feel the change viscerally, though they often express their feelings indirectly—through behaviour, school difficulties, or silence. Parents often carry the weight of their own heartbreak while trying to stay strong for their children. It’s a lot. And it’s okay to admit that.

Healing Is Not Linear

There is no timetable for healing from the end of a significant relationship. Some days may bring relief or even moments of freedom; others can feel like starting from scratch. Healing rarely follows a straight line. You may feel strong one moment and devastated the next. This is all part of the human process of making sense of deep emotional loss.

One of the most important things I’ve learned through years of working with people in this place is that there is no shame in feeling broken. Divorce and separation crack open our hearts. But with care, support, and time, those same hearts can grow stronger, wiser, and more attuned to what truly matters.

I have also walked the path of Divorce.

You Don’t Have to Do It Alone

If you are walking through separation or divorce, please know this: you are not alone I am only an email or phone call away.