Rape and sexual assault

Healing After Sexual Assault: You Are Not Alone

Sexual assault is one of the deepest violations a person can experience. It can shake your sense of safety, rupture trust, and leave you feeling silenced, isolated, or overwhelmed. Whether the trauma happened recently or many years ago—whether it happened in childhood or adulthood—its impact can echo through every part of life.

If you are reading this, you may be carrying a story that’s hard to speak out loud. You may be wondering if you’ll ever feel like yourself again—or whether it’s even possible to heal. I want you to know this: healing is possible on this difficult journey.

A Safe Space to Begin Again

With over 30 years of experience in the field of sexual violence and abuse—including working with men, women, and survivors of childhood sexual assault—I offer a space where your story is met with compassion, not judgment. A space where silence can soften, where shame can be gently challenged, and where healing can begin at your pace.

You are not a problem to be fixed. You are a human being who has survived something profoundly wrong. I WRITE THIS IN CAPITAL LETTERS BECAUSE ITS TRUE.. YOU HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING WRONG..  I 100 PERCENT KNOW THAT In therapy, we do not rush or force. We listen deeply—to your words, your body, your silences. Together, we begin to reconnect the parts of you that may have had to shut down to survive.

How I Work

As a BACP-Accredited therapist, my approach is relational, grounded, and sensitive to the unique needs of each person I work with. I draw on decades of specialised experience in working with Trauma PTSD Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder…Disassociated life, particularly the complex and layered impacts of sexual assault and childhood abuse. I have an additional Diploma in Sexual Abuse.

I believe healing happens in relationship—when someone truly sees you, believes you, and honours your pace. I will not ask you to relive everything unless and until you're ready. Instead, we’ll gently build safety and connection first. We’ll attend to the impacts on your daily life—sleep, boundaries, trust, relationships, self-worth—and support your nervous system to find steadier ground.

If You’ve Never Spoken Before

Many people I see have never told anyone what happened to them. Others may have spoken but weren’t believed—or were met with disbelief, minimisation, or even blamed. If that’s your experience, I want you to know that being believed matters. Being listened to matters. And it’s never too late to begin. You deserve a space that’s grounded, kind, and respectful of your story.

You Are Not Alone

Sexual assault often brings a deep sense of aloneness—but you are not alone. I offer in- person therapy sessions in a private, confidential setting, and I welcome you exactly as you are, wherever you are in your journey. Whether you are still in crisis, just beginning to speak, or already well into your healing process, I am here to support you.

If something in this speaks to you, please don’t hesitate to reach out. You don’t have to know what to say. You don’t have to have it all figured out. We can begin, gently, from where you are.

You are not broken. What happened to you was not your fault. And healing is possible.

I am only an email or telephone call away.

Spiritual Questioning

Exploring Belief: What I Offer as a Counsellor of 30 years . When Clients Ask Life’s Big Questions

Over the years, many clients have come to me not only with pain, trauma, or confusion—but also with profound questions that stretch beyond the everyday.

“How did the world begin?”
“Who or what is God?”
“What is the universe?”
“What do I believe in?”

These are not abstract philosophical musings—they often arise in times of crisis, loss, change, or awakening. They can be part of the natural unfolding of healing, especially when old certainties begin to fall away.

After three decades in practice, I have learned not to offer answers, but to offer presence. My role is not to define what anyone should believe, but to create a respectful, grounded space where these questions can be asked, explored, and lived with.

What I Offer

1. A Safe and Open Space for Inquiry
People often come to therapy with fear or shame around their questions, particularly if their beliefs have changed or they feel they are “supposed” to know something they don’t. In our work together, all questions are welcome. You don’t need to have it figured out.

2. A Grounded, Human Approach
I don’t approach these questions from a dogmatic or religious framework, but from a deeply human one. Wondering about the nature of life, meaning, or the divine is part of what it means to be human. I honour the fact that these questions matter to you—whether or not there are tidy answers.

3. Deep Listening, Not Teaching
While I may draw from philosophy, psychology, or spiritual traditions when it’s helpful, I’m not here to convince you of any worldview. Instead, I listen—deeply and respectfully—to what’s stirring in you. Often, people discover their beliefs not through being told, but through being heard.

4. Making Space for Mystery
Sometimes the most healing thing is to allow mystery. Not every question has an answer, and not every belief needs to be pinned down. Part of the therapeutic journey can be learning to live with the questions, rather than rushing to resolve them.

5. Respect for All Belief Systems
I work with clients from all walks of life—religious, spiritual, agnostic, atheist, uncertain, or questioning. My approach is always nonjudgmental and curious. What matters most is not what you believe, but how your beliefs shape your experience of yourself, others, and the world.

If you are asking deep questions about existence, purpose, or belief, you are not alone—and you are not “too much.” Therapy can be a place to explore these questions gently, honestly, and with care.

You don’t need to have the answers. You just need a place to ask.

Exploring these questions over the years with clients  is a real privilege to me and often on the journey of discovery there is such a closeness between me and the client.

This is such a fascinating subject and I am here to walk the journey with you.

Nothing is too much for me ..if you want to talk about fairies.  .energies.   .dowsing..it all
matters.  Lets go on the journey together.

Stress

Understanding Stress – And How Counselling Can Help

Stress is a natural part of life. At times, it can even be helpful – sharpening our focus,
nudging us to meet a deadline, or prompting us to make a needed change. But when stress
becomes constant, overwhelming, or starts to affect your health, relationships, or sense of
self, it’s a signal that support may be needed.

After more than 30 years of working with people navigating stress in its many forms, I’ve
come to deeply respect how uniquely each person experiences it. For some, stress shows up
as racing thoughts, tight muscles, or restless nights. For others, it may look like withdrawal,
irritability, or a sense of being stuck. However it shows up for you, it deserves attention and
care. You can move through this with my help.

Why Stress Can Feel So Heavy

Life places many demands on us – work, family, relationships, health, finances, or even the
pressure to simply “hold it all together.” Over time, our internal capacity can begin to wear
thin, and what used to feel manageable can start to feel like too much.

Stress isn’t just “in your head” – it lives in the body, shapes our thinking, and impacts our
emotional world. It can trigger old patterns, intensify anxiety, or stir up feelings we may not
fully understand. That’s where therapy can help. I can help you.

How I Work With Stress

My approach is grounded in compassion, presence, and relationship. I don’t offer quick fixes
or generic advice. Instead, I create a safe, steady space where you can begin to make sense of
your stress – gently, at your pace, and with support.

Together, we might explore:

• What’s underneath the stress: the beliefs, pressures, or unresolved experiences that
  may be feeding it.
• How your body holds stress: and how to bring regulation and calm where there’s
  overwhelm.
• What boundaries or changes might be needed: to support more balance in your
  life.
• Your strengths and resources: even when they feel out of reach.

I draw on decades of experience to support people  with tools and strategies and just being
with you in your experience.

You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone

Stress can be isolating. It can leave you feeling like you should be coping better, or that no
one else feels quite like you do. But you’re not alone – and you don’t have to carry it all by
yourself.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, burnt out, or just not quite yourself, it might be time to talk.
I’m here to walk alongside you – with empathy, warmth, and care.

You deserve support that meets you where you are. I am just a phone call or email away.

Physical, emotional and sexual abuse

People often think that sexual abuse is more damaging than emotional and physical abuse. This is not correct. Physical, sexual and emotional abuse can all have very damaging effects.

Issues that can arise from all three of the above are low self esteem, lack of confidence, anger, depression, anxiety, body issues, problems with intimacy, self harm, issues around trust, sexual problems, sexual identity confusion, panic attacks…the list goes on.

Males and females are sexually abused by either gender. If you have been abused you are not alone. Some statistics say one in three girls and one out of seven boys will be abused by the age of eighteen.

Abuse happens to children of every culture, class, race, religion and gender. Children are abused by fathers, stepfathers, uncles, aunts, neighbours, family friends, baby sitters, teachers, strangers, mothers, clergy.

All abuse is damaging and the trauma does not end when the abuse stops. If you were abused as a child you are probably experiencing long term effects that interfere with your day-to-day functioning.

I can help you work your way through the maze of pain. I can show you the life you are entitled to lead. I have been working in this field for over 10 years and have a specialist qualification in “working with adult survivors of abuse.”

Relationship problems

PLEASE BE AWARE I DO NOT WORK WITH COUPLES ……ONLY individuals.

Why Relationships Hurt—and Why They’re Worth It**

After 30 years of sitting with people as they navigate the most intimate corners of their lives, I’ve come to understand something deeply human: relationships are where we are most wounded, and also where we have the greatest capacity to heal.

Whether it's between partners, family members, or close friends, relationships can bring us incredible joy—but also pain. It’s in connection that we often feel most vulnerable, most exposed. And yet, it's also where we long to be seen, understood, and accepted.

When Love Hurts

When people come to therapy because a relationship is in distress, they are often carrying a great deal of pain. Perhaps communication has broken down. Perhaps trust has been eroded. Sometimes one partner feels invisible, while the other feels under siege. There can be silence where there once was laughter. Or conflict where there once was comfort.

It’s easy to feel like something is wrong with you, or that the relationship is irreparably broken. But I want you to know: struggling in relationships does not mean you're failing. It means you're human. Being close to another person stirs up our deepest fears and longings. Old wounds—some that go back to childhood—can resurface, uninvited. And we don’t always know how to handle them.

Why It Feels So Hard

Many of us weren’t taught how to navigate emotions, set boundaries, or speak up for our needs. Some learned to keep the peace at all costs. Others learned to expect rejection. Some were raised in families where love was inconsistent or conditional. These early experiences shape how we relate to others later in life.

In therapy, one of the most healing steps is recognising that our reactions—our shutdowns, our outbursts, our fears—often make perfect sense in the context of our history. They’re not flaws. They’re strategies we developed to survive. And with support, we can learn new ways of relating—ways that are more aligned with who we are today.

There Is Always Hope

No matter how long you've been stuck in a pattern, change is possible. I’ve witnessed people rebuild trust after deep betrayal. I’ve seen individuals find their voice after years of silence. I’ve supported people who’ve learned to truly listen to each other for the first time.

Sometimes healing happens within the relationship. Sometimes it begins with one person making changes that ripple outward. And sometimes, healing means letting go—but doing so with compassion and clarity rather than bitterness or blame.

You’re Not Alone

If you're struggling in your relationship, please know that it’s okay to reach out for help. You don’t need to have all the answers. You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be willing to explore—with gentleness—what’s going on beneath the surface.

As a counsellor, my role is not to fix you or your relationship. My role is to walk alongside you, to help you understand what’s happening, and to support you in finding a path forward—one grounded in honesty, respect, and connection.

After all these years, I still believe in the resilience of the human heart. And I still believe that, with the right support, relationships—though messy, complicated, and sometimes painful—can also be one of the most powerful places for growth, healing, and love.

I can help you…there is nothing you can’t say to me ….I have walked a long path to,

Email or call me  …you will feel better as we walk this journey together.

I have years of experience to share with you.

Personal development

In the fast-paced world we live in, "personal development" is often spoken about in terms of goals, achievements, and productivity. But having spent three decades sitting with people in their most vulnerable moments, I’ve come to understand personal development not as a race toward self-improvement, but as a tender, lifelong unfolding of who we already are.

What Is Personal Development, Really?

Personal development is often seen as the work we do to become “better” versions of ourselves. But in truth, it’s less about becoming someone else and more about uncovering the self beneath the layers — the conditioned responses, the inherited beliefs, and the coping strategies we developed to survive.

True growth doesn’t happen by force. It happens when we feel safe enough to be honest with ourselves, when we’re met with compassion rather than criticism, and when we allow ourselves to move at our own rhythm.

Development Rooted in Relationship

As a relational therapist, I’ve seen again and again how our capacity to grow is shaped by the relationships we’ve had — especially the ones early in life. If we were met with understanding and emotional presence, we tend to internalise that voice of kindness. If we were met with judgment, neglect, or control, we may struggle to feel worthy of development unless it's tied to performance or approval.

Healing — and by extension, development — often requires a reparative relational experience. That might come through therapy, yes, but also through deep friendships, healthy community, and even in the way we begin to relate to ourselves differently. coming back to your self is amazing …..the real you…..the one that has got lost

The Role of Self-Awareness

One of the gentlest and most powerful tools for personal growth is self-awareness. Not the kind that harshly scrutinises our every move, but the kind that notices with curiosity: Why did I respond that way? What might I be needing underneath this reaction?

When we build a compassionate inner observer, we begin to unhook from old patterns. We stop seeing our struggles as signs of failure and start seeing them as messages from a part of us that is trying to protect or express something vital.

Letting Go of the “Fix-It” Mentality

In my work, I often meet people who come into therapy believing something about them is broken. But humans are not machines to be repaired — we are ecosystems to be tended. We thrive when the conditions are right: safety, empathy, connection, and time.

Personal development, then, becomes less about “fixing” and more about “listening” — to the body, to the heart, to the parts of ourselves we may have learned to ignore. Growth doesn’t mean we never struggle again; it means we learn how to be with ourselves in the struggle, without shame.

I have been on this journey for 33 years and it is continuous . It was the greatest gift i gave myself. No you will not be in therapy for 33 years but you will be exploring you.

Practical, Compassionate Approaches to Growth

After 30 years in practice, what I’ve learned is this: real personal development is quiet. It’s found in the brave decision to keep showing up for yourself, even when you feel tired, uncertain, or afraid. It’s in the way you learn to soften instead of harden, to stay open rather than close off.

And it’s never too late. The human spirit is wired for healing. With patience, kindness, and support, we can all continue to grow — not toward some ideal, but toward our truest selves.

I can walk some of that journey with you… with compassion and non judgement I even use humour.

Panic Attacks

Understanding Panic Attacks

As a counsellor with over three decades of experience, I’ve walked alongside many individuals navigating the often frightening and confusing world of panic attacks. Over the years, I’ve come to deeply understand not only the nature of panic, but also the resilience of the human nervous system when given the right support, understanding, and relational safety.

What Is a Panic Attack?

A panic attack is a sudden and intense surge of fear or discomfort that peaks within minutes. It often appears to come "out of the blue, "I know of someone who was really enjoying them selves with their grand  children then  bang a full blown panic attack. So panic attacks can come on at any time to anyone..  Although in many cases, it’s the body’s response to accumulated stress, emotional overwhelm, or unprocessed experiences.

Common symptoms include:

• Rapid heart rate or palpitations
• Shortness of breath or a feeling of being unable to breathe
• Dizziness or light-headedness’
• Chest pain or discomfort
• Sweating or chills
• Nausea or abdominal distress
• Feelings of unreality or detachment (derealisation or depersonalisation)
• Fear of losing control, going crazy, or dying

These experiences can be terrifying, especially when people don’t understand what’s happening. Many individuals end up in emergency rooms convinced they're having a heart attack—only to be told later that what they’ve experienced is “just anxiety.” That phrase, while well-intended, can feel dismissive to those who’ve lived through such distress.

Why Do Panic Attacks Happen?

Panic attacks are the body’s alarm system misfiring. They are often rooted in a nervous system that has become over-sensitised due to chronic stress, trauma, or unresolved emotional pain. In essence, the body reacts as if there is immediate danger, even when none is present.

This response is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign that the nervous system is doing its best to protect the person—even if it’s doing so at the wrong time.

My Approach to Working with Panic

Having supported countless clients through the healing process, I bring a relational, grounded, approach to panic. I don’t just teach coping strategies (though those can be helpful); I aim to understand the unique history and context behind each person's experience. Often, panic is not the problem itself—it's a messenger.

You Are Not Alone

If you experience panic attacks, know that you are not broken—and you are certainly not alone. Panic is often a sign that something inside is asking to be felt, understood, or tended to. With the right kind of support, it is entirely possible to move beyond fear, reclaim agency, and feel more at home in your body.

I've spent my professional life helping people do just that.

There is no need to suffer…I am just an email or phone call away. I promise you talking
helps…you are not going mad ..but it is very frightening .

Domestic Abuse

Title: All Forms of Domestic Abuse: A Compassionate Look Beneath the Surface

Domestic abuse is not always what it first appears to be. For many, the phrase conjures images of physical violence — bruises, broken bones, and emergency calls. And while physical abuse is a grave and visible form of harm, it is only one part of a much broader, often more insidious spectrum.

As a counsellor with over 30 years of sitting with survivors, I have learned that domestic abuse can take many forms — some visible, many invisible — and each equally capable of undermining a person's sense of safety, autonomy, and worth.

Understanding the Full Picture

Domestic abuse is fundamentally about power and control. It thrives on fear, shame, and secrecy. And it can happen in any relationship, regardless of gender, age, cultural background, or socioeconomic status.

Here are some of the less visible but deeply impactful forms of abuse I’ve witnessed clients grappling with:

1. Emotional and Psychological Abuse

This form of abuse chips away at a person’s confidence and sense of self. It can look like constant criticism, gaslighting, name-calling, or manipulative silence. Often, clients describe feeling “crazy” or doubting their own perceptions. This is not accidental — it is the result of a slow erosion of identity.

2. Verbal Abuse

Yelling, threatening, demeaning language, and even subtle put-downs repeated over time can become internalised. Words can lodge in the psyche, long after bruises would have faded. In therapy, survivors often recount these as echoing long after they leave the relationship.

3. Financial Abuse

When one partner controls all access to money, sabotages employment, or uses financial dependence as leverage, it creates a deep sense of helplessness. I’ve met clients who had to choose between staying in an abusive relationship or risking homelessness — an impossible choice no one should face.

4. Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse in intimate partnerships is often misunderstood or minimised. Consent is not automatic, even within committed relationships. Coercion, manipulation, and violation of boundaries are forms of sexual harm that can deeply affect a person’s sense of agency and bodily autonomy.

5. Spiritual or Cultural Abuse

Sometimes, belief systems or cultural values are twisted to justify control or punishment. A partner might weaponise religion, shame, or community expectations to silence and isolate someone. This form of abuse often leaves survivors with profound spiritual confusion or disconnection.

6. Technological Abuse

In our digital age, abuse can now extend into cyberstalking, GPS tracking, controlling social media, or demanding access to personal devices. Technology becomes another tool of control.

7. Post Separation Abuse .. You think its over but no the perpetrator can carry on for years. .You can think you are going mad. You are not.

The pain I have seen in woman's faces …they don't have to say anything I can see it in their eyes and their children's eyes.  I also  work with a Domestic Abuse charity .   I know there is hope to get through this ..I have seen the results of healing from Domestic Abuse. I can and will walk that road with you. I am an expereinced therapist .I am only an email or call away .

Why Naming These Forms Matters

When survivors come to therapy, they often struggle to name their experiences as “abuse” — especially if there are no physical scars. But the wounds left by coercion, humiliation, and fear are just as real. Often, one of the first steps toward healing is simply being heard, believed, and helped to name the harm.

It’s also important to acknowledge that leaving is not always a safe or immediate option. As therapists, friends, and fellow humans, we must resist the impulse to judge or advise hastily. Compassion is not conditional on someone’s ability to change their circumstances quickly.
Sometimes, the work is just to stay with someone in their story, without trying to fix it.

A Note to Survivors

If you are reading this and something resonates — even if you’re unsure whether what you’re experiencing “counts” — please know that your feelings are valid. Abuse is never your fault. There is support, there are choices, and there is no shame in reaching out. Healing is possible. You are not alone. I am only an email or phone call away.

In my decades of work, I’ve seen the incredible strength of survivors — not just in leaving, but in surviving day after day in incredibly difficult circumstances. Every story is different. Every step forward, no matter how small, is a triumph of spirit.

Let us keep widening the lens and softening the way we speak about domestic abuse — so no one has to question whether their pain matters.

Divorce and separation

The Silent Ache: Understanding the Pain of Divorce and Separation
By a Counsellor with 30 Years of Walking Beside Others

Divorce and separation are often spoken about in practical terms—division of property, custody agreements, legal paperwork. Yet beneath those logistics lives a deeper, more complicated story: one of grief, confusion, and quiet heartbreak. As a counsellor who has spent three decades walking alongside people in their most vulnerable moments, I have seen how profoundly this kind of loss can touch every part of a person’s life.

The Loss That Isn’t Always Named

Divorce and separation bring with them a unique kind of grief. It is not just the loss of a partner, but often the loss of a shared future, a sense of stability, and an identity that was once intertwined with another. It can feel like the rug has been pulled out from under your life—even if the decision to separate was mutual or necessary.

People often ask, “Why am I struggling so much? I thought this was the right thing.” And the truth is, grief doesn’t always follow logic. We grieve what mattered to us. We grieve dreams, routines, and the small everyday moments—like a familiar laugh from across the room, or knowing someone was coming home at the end of the day.

Also you may be fleeing from a Domestic Abuse situation……..this is another layer to deal with. Its complicated and can be very raw.  Having worked in Woman's Refuge I have  seen the pain grief confusion and fear. I can hold this space ..be calm ..kind ..non judgemental as we deal with the fall out .We can do this together.

The Ripple Effects

The emotional impact of separation can show up in unexpected ways. You might find yourself unusually tired, irritable, forgetful. Some people feel a heavy loneliness, even when surrounded by others. For many, shame or guilt can creep in, especially if there are children involved or the separation was painful or conflictual.

Relationships with extended family and friends often shift too, sometimes in ways that feel alienating or deeply unfair. Life as you’ve known it no longer fits, and it can feel like there’s no clear path forward….but i can promise you there is a way forward ..I will be by your side on this journey we will get through the murky waters together.

For the Children

When children are involved, the emotional landscape becomes even more layered. Children feel the change viscerally, though they often express their feelings indirectly—through behaviour, school difficulties, or silence. Parents often carry the weight of their own heartbreak while trying to stay strong for their children. It’s a lot. And it’s okay to admit that.

Healing Is Not Linear

There is no timetable for healing from the end of a significant relationship. Some days may bring relief or even moments of freedom; others can feel like starting from scratch. Healing rarely follows a straight line. You may feel strong one moment and devastated the next. This is all part of the human process of making sense of deep emotional loss.

One of the most important things I’ve learned through years of working with people in this place is that there is no shame in feeling broken. Divorce and separation crack open our hearts. But with care, support, and time, those same hearts can grow stronger, wiser, and more attuned to what truly matters.

I have also walked the path of Divorce.

You Don’t Have to Do It Alone

If you are walking through separation or divorce, please know this: you are not alone I am only an email or phone call away.